Maybe it’s a ridiculous question. But it’s not SO ridiculous to notice that social patterns sometimes repeat, albeit somewhat superficially and in different environments. The late Han certainly had its share of puppet emperors. But I was recently struck by the similarities between the last gasps of the Merovingians (under new Carolingian thumbs) and the kind of marionette-ing that took place during the fifth century Roman west; In particular the puppets Valentinian III, Honorius, and Romulus Augustulus.
Merovingian politics is a wooly jungle of names, a condition exacerbated by names that often span generations, not unlike the family in Marquez. Clovis, Clothar, Clothild, Childebert, Dagobert; they all spangle the pages of Merovingian histories and hagiographies. I listened to Gregory of Tours’s Book of Histories once, and indeed I had the impression that I was listening to a Borges-ian work of magic realism, but somehow combined with the endless dramatis personae of Thomas Pynchon. It’s an incredibly satisfying way to experience the work, and I like to think that the whole piece could be rewritten as a contemporary drama in the city, or as a Game of Thrones style fantasy series. It has everything: miracles, murder, blood, incest, etc.
Everything, that is, except consistent character depth. Some of the figures named in passing (often achieving miracles in passing!) can be fleshed out with a little exploration, particularly in contemporary hagiography, both by Gregory himself and by the many other participants in this rich literary vein. But more often than not, names flit across the page; big names, names that lived entire lives, powerful lives, filled with kindness and cruelty. And we only get a few highlights. What would the one sentence version of your life be?
At any rate, after a few trips around the Merovingian playground, we get a good idea of the broad strokes: Clovis takes over the world with his epically awesome badassery. He chops heads (most famously over a treasure dispute, a revenge served cold) and he converts to Christianity. At his death, he divides the kingdom evenly among his four sons. This is Day One of a civil war that will last until the Carolingians take over, with only brief decades of respite. Somehow, despite pathological infighting, the kingdom achieves immense stability. It’s like Mr. Burns at the doctor: his diseases are blocking the door. “So I’m invincible?” “Not at all, in fact the slightest breeze…”
Pretty much everybody knows the story. The Merovingian kings get soft. Their long luxuriant hair is more fun to comb sitting on a luxurious throne than it is in a battle tent. The “majors”, or main administrators for the kingdom, are forced to pick up that slack, led but a series of Pippins (Pippin II seems to be particularly powerful). Finally, after a series of victories against the kingdom’s enemies, Charles Martel asks the pope for his blessing to be King, and so the Merovingians are deposed once and for all.
Most of the facts here seem to be true in broad outline, except perhaps for the Pippinid motivation. This was not “somebody’s gotta do this job, or everything’s gonna fall apart”. This was a rival faction suing for power, and sometimes collaborating with somewhat treasonous Merovingians to consolidate power. For decades, allies of the kingdom had to ask themselves which side of the debate they should fall on. In the last decades of the dynasty, the new Carolingians were propping up young and ineffective kings that were pliable and wouldn’t make waves. The fact that the Carolingians did this for so many years is proof of just how legitimate the Merovingians were seen to be.
If it reminds you of the fall of the Roman west, then we think the same way. Valentinian III was the same kind of “pliable” for years. He accepted the regency of senior military officers, and didn’t make waves. When he finally became a “real boy”, and tried to fire Arbogast, he was bullied into suicide. Being a puppet is much safer. Honorius and his brother Arcadius in the east were the puppets par excellence. There’s a reason so many historians describe them as “feckless”. Stilicho dominated Honorius until his death, at which point various military men from the west took over: Alaric of course, Constantine III, Constantius, etc. Arcadius had similar bullies in Rufinus and the eunuch Eutropius. And finally there is the ghostly Romulus Augustulus. The son of Orestes—who had an absolutely crazy life among the Huns—this waif of an emperor is practically faceless in the historic record. When Odoacer finally deposes him and puts him out to pasture in Campania, he is in fact disposing of the office of western emperor. Just as Charles Martel disposed of the office of Merovingian king.
What of it? Just that our American politicians are all in the pockets of big cracker, big oil, big greeting card, big everything. And what will we do?
9.16.2020 Stamford, VT
ed. 9.27.20 Mancos, CO